The Top 2 Guiding Principles
for a Neurodiversity-Affirming Provider
Being a neuro-affirming practitioner is more than just a title or a label. It is a mindset, an approach that prioritizes understanding and supporting the unique neurological needs of each individual client. When becoming a practitioner that supports neurodivergent folks, whether you are a psychotherapist, speech language pathologist, psychiatrist, teacher, executive function coach or another helping professional, there is not a lot of training or emphasis on neurodiversity and how to support clients who may have different neurological wiring. But as the mental health field continues to evolve, it is becoming increasingly important for therapists and other helping professionals to be aware of and knowledgeable about neurodiversity and how it impacts their clients.
When therapy, coaching, or counseling is neuro-friendly, it means that the provider recognizes and embraces that brains are diverse and that there is no “normal” or “right” way for a brain to function. This approach promotes understanding, acceptance, and validation of individual differences rather than trying to fit clients into a mold of what is considered “typical”. So, what does it mean to be a neuro-affirming therapist? Let’s explore two key neurodiversity-affirmative principles and practices.
Principle 1: Go at Their Pace
One of the most important aspects of being a neurodiversity-affirming therapist is to honor your client’s pace and not rush them. Autistic individuals have a deliberative, analytical, bottom-up processing style.
This essentially means they need time to think through things carefully to make decisions. Rather than making quick decisions and interpretations based on assumptions and schemas (top-down processing, common for neurotypical people), autistic minds focus on individual details and eventually map them together to create a whole picture (bottom-up processing). This is a time-consuming and effortful cognitive process. It has many benefits though, such as being detail oriented and out-of-the-box thinking. However, fast-paced societies generally are not understanding or accepting of this slower more methodical style of cognitive processing.
Unfortunately, when an autistic person needs time to process and consider something, others might pressure them by saying, “Stop overthinking it”, “Just do it already!”, or “It’s not a big deal”. These invalidating messages commonly and frequently are heard from family, teachers, peers, classmates, colleagues, and others. They disrespect, demean, and discriminate against the person’s neurodivergent ways of thinking. Sadly, autistic people might be forced into doing things they are not ready for, which can feel like a deep violation. Ultimately, these experiences can be traumatizing for autistics.
Therefore, it is crucial that you honor your autistic client’s natural processing style. Having a calm and patient demeanor as your client is quietly processing, and not interrupting them, is a beautiful way to attune to their needs. And trust me, their nervous system will thank you for it! Even just giving them an extra beat can sometimes be enough to prevent them from feeling pressured and overwhelmed. This will gain you a lot of brownie points. Meaning they will feel safer with you and be able to do deeper, healing work with you.
Respect Their Pace, So Your Client Will Open Up and Unmask
However, many neurodivergent clients have learned that it’s not ok for them to take the time they need to answer a question. They can feel internal pressure to answer if they pause too long. If they are in session taking a while considering their response, they might start to worry that they are annoying you or boring you. As a result, they may start to mask their needs and try to figure out what you want from them (i.e., people please). An inner critic might even come up for them, shaming themselves for taking so long to answer. These internal experiences could trigger a natural trauma response, like shutdown (ex: dissociation) or going nonverbal (unable to form coherent sentences).
I can’t emphasize enough how important it is for you to reassure your autistic clients that it’s ok for them to go at their own pace. They likely will need to hear this message from you repeatedly before they can really start to believe it. Again, it goes against what they’ve come to expect from interpersonal relationships. Having their voice not listened to, their boundaries violated, is their norm. To be respected and seen can be a novel experience that takes a while for them to internalize, but can be powerfully healing.
Be Present Without Pressuring, So Your Client Feels Accepted
As a therapist or other provider, it’s also important for you to pay attention to what comes up inside as you wait for your client to respond. A part of you might feel like you’re not doing enough to help them, leading you to try to push an agenda with your client. A part of you might get bored and check out. Or another part of you might worry that you’re getting it wrong. It’s ok if any of these parts come up for you. What is most important is to notice these parts of yourself in the moment, and invite them to take a step back so that you can be fully present for your client.
Being still and in the moment with your client is a true gift, one they may have never received before. They will feel accepted. You are not trying to hurry them or signal they have to be another way. You are showing that you accept their neurodivergent way of processing and communicating. It can be a life changing experience, and can go a long way toward building safety and trust in your therapeutic relationship. Importantly, it can also help your autistic client begin to shift from always masking to caring for their needs and self-advocacy. There is nothing better than starting to see that happen in session!
Principle 2: Support Their Unique Sensory System
Sensory sensitivities are common in autistics and other neurotypes, such as AuDHD (Autism + ADHD) and highly sensitive persons (HSP). This could mean that certain lighting, noises, textures, or smells may be overwhelming or even painful for them. Remember how I earlier mentioned that autistics tend to have a bottom-up processing style. They notice all the different stimuli in their environment, without filtering out what is most important or relevant. This means they process a LOT more sensory input. Plus, their sensory sensitivities essentially amplify the sensory signals from their environment. So, a subtle sound in the background that might be filtered out by a neurotypical person, for an autistic person, could be piercing and grate on their nerves. Consequently, they might not be able to concentrate or hold a conversation because of a sound that others don’t even hear.
The world can be a confusing and harsh place for autistics because they are treated like there is something wrong with them. Others don’t seem to share their experiences, especially their sensory experiences. They can feel like aliens who have landed on the wrong planet. As a psychologist, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve actually heard a client say they feel like an alien. When an autistic person tries to describe their intense sensory experience to others and ask for help, others think they are exaggerating and intentionally being difficult. They are shamed for “misbehaving”.
Understand Trauma Around Sensory Sensitivities in Your Neurodivergent Clients
When an autistic person is going into sensory overload, rather than receiving understanding and support, they often are criticized and pushed to keep going. If they try to slow down and take care of their sensory needs, they are told directly or indirectly they should hurry up and not be a burden. You can see how this is just another example of the way they are pushed, violated, and traumatized by others who don’t understand their neurodivergent wiring and needs.
At the root of complex trauma is often sensory sensitivities. Let’s make this clear that the sensitivities are not the problem, but the fact that they are not recognized or understood, or even respected and accommodated is the problem. Lack of acceptance and interpersonal trauma lead to many other problems for neurodivergent people, such as masking, low self-worth, and bad relationships. Your clients might not see these direct connections between their problems, and their sensory sensitivities, boundary violations, shame, and trauma. That’s for you to help them see.
Therefore, it is crucial that when doing trauma work with your autistic clients, keep at the front of your mind how trauma might relate to their painful experiences around their neurodivergent sensory system. Don’t lose sight of that! Facilitating your autistic clients in understanding the root of their trauma, and healing from it is a beautiful journey. This can also be a long, complex, and challenging process for you both, but to see your client’s authentic self and resilience emerge is wonderful and rewarding!
Foster Self-Compassion and Self-Acceptance in Your Autistic Clients
Tragically, repeated interpersonal traumas often lead autistic people to develop coping skills to protect themselves that do more harm than good. For instance, many of the neurodivergent clients I work with can be hard on themselves.
They try to force themselves to push through even when they are overstimulated. They can be painfully self-critical, calling themselves names like, “weak”, “lazy”, or a “failure”. They believe that to stop others from shaming them and traumatizing them, they have to “go with the flow”, and force themselves past their breaking point. This often leads to burnout, depression, and even suicidal ideation.
You can see how important it is for autistic people to understand their sensory sensitivities, accept their neurodivergent wiring, and tap into self-compassion to prevent and manage sensory overload and trauma triggers. Self-compassion and self-acceptance can further be fostered through your clients engaging in neuro-friendly spaces where their nervous system is understood and respected. This community support can greatly help their trauma healing journey.
In Summary
Allowing your autistic clients to do things on their timeline that is consistent with the way that their brain is wired and what they need is really important. What feels like little input to a neurotypical can feel like overstimulation to an autistic person. So, give your client and yourself permission to go as slow as you need to make the experience safe to your client and their nervous system. Our world generally feels unsympathetic and too fast for autistic people. When your client is neurodivergent, they can feel pressured or shamed into action or making a decision before they are ready. This is especially difficult for them as they are already masking and considering others’ feelings and needs over their own. So, this makes it worse, it keeps them in a masking state of mind. As a result, they are in a near constant state of sensory overload and autistic burnout. These experiences are not just over-stimulating but traumatizing for an autistic person and their nervous system.
As a neuro-affirming therapist, acknowledging and honoring your client’s processing style and sensory sensitivities is key, and supports trauma work. This is such an important topic that I wrote a 3-part blog series about how to support your neurodivergent clients with sensory sensitivities.
Continue Your Education with Dr. Tasha at the Neurodiversity Training Institute
Learning and growing as a psychotherapist or other helping professional is an ongoing process, and it’s important to continually educate yourself on topics related to neurodiversity. This could involve attending workshops or conferences specifically focused on working with neurodivergent clients, reading books written by neurodivergent individuals, or seeking case consultation from a neuro-affirming therapist. It’s also helpful to have open and honest conversations with your neurodivergent clients about their experiences and needs, and actively listen to their feedback on your therapy approach.
At Neurodiversity Training Center, our name says it all. We provide training and resources to help therapists become more knowledgeable and affirming for their neurodivergent clients. By investing in this type of training, you can improve your skills as a psychotherapist and create a more inclusive and supportive environment for your clients. Together, we can work towards making therapy, and hopefully the world, a more neuro-friendly place. Continue your learning today to make a difference tomorrow!
for a Neurodiversity-Affirming Provider
